bam.

well I went grocery shopping. On my way to the bus, I encountered the same homeless-man-with-dog-situation that I always encounter when I pass by Barclay's..
This time I took a stand. And by stand I mean I made a sharp left and found myself standing above the homeless-man-with-dog situation and staring at him with pity, anxiety, and a touch of awkwardness. I didn't wanna give him change because he might buy drugs or cigs. I didn't really know why I decided to do this. I just felt like I had become too familiar with the  homeless-man-with-dog situation to continue to ignore him into the winter. I figured by the time I went home for the holidays he'd never know I actually did think about the fact that I'd always walk by, avert my eyes, put on a blank face and keep walking.
So there I was, carrying groceries, with a huge bag of schoolbooks hanging from my shoulder, my iPod blasting, my hair in my eyes, when I said hi.
It stared. It being the homeless-man-with-dog situation. They're a conglomerate you see. Anyways, I reach into my shitty bag and pull out ... cooked chicken strips. I hand it over. He looks at it, looks at me..sorta smiles.
I ask if it's ok. He assumes a serious face, inspects the chicken, reads the label (what the fuck is he reading the label for?) and smiles.
"Yeah, this is great. Cheers"

I leave feeling as if I had drugged up sex in the bathroom stall of a rock concert.
Why do I feel this way?
Maybe I wanted more expressive gratitude. Maybe I wanted to feel better about myself. Maybe he wanted money. Fuck that.
Pressing on my conscience now is also the (slightly) worrisome feeling that if anything is wrong with the chicken..I might be liable for homeless-man-with-dog situation.
I blamed it on society and ate some chocolate.
I think I feel like shit because I realize my shitty chicken won't solve a problem. I feel shitty because he knows it. Because I know it. Because even a homeless-man-with-a-dog-situation is clever enough to give the theatrical 'thank you' that is expected. Even a homeless-man-with-a-dog situation knows how to function in society.
So, why doesn't he?
That's what gets me. He knows. He won't.