Bobby

Here is the truth.

Here is a truth. 
The summer is hot and sticky. So sticky sticky gumdroppity sticky. His chopped hair, blond wisps thrown against sunburned eyes, gleaming sparkley eyes filled with a love, a longing that expands like balloons, lingering cotton candy impressions and the most horrific nightmarish vision of roller coaster highs and lows beside the lake by his house.

Static. I'm nervous. Soon soon. Ringing.
"ullo" Sleepy. Messy hair. I can picture his clumsy stance.
"Hi you stupid stranger" I smile.
Silence. "Joce?"
"Yeah, you loser" I wanna throw a fit. A proper tantrum in the middle of the cafe. With all those weird men drinking scotch gawking and idling.
"Fuck Joce, where'd you disappear girl?" Lazy, raspy questions.
"Never mind. You know I went away for school. I kept calling at Katie's and you didn't even show up for Halloween?" I shouldn't have called.
"Yeah, I know. Craziest night Joce. Met this weird chick from Alabama with a beautiful voice but just a fucken mess. Like you know? Those girls we'd laugh at when we used to go to fairs? The skinny blondes with cotton candy for brains?" He's laughing. "I miss you Joce. When are you home? Are you studying hard or something?"
I almost hung up. "I don't think I can make it"
"Met a guy?" Bobby's a joke.
"Yeah Bobby. Real swell guy. He's really old too. 300 years or so my fucking senior. I'm going steady with Shakespeare"
Collapsed with laughter. "Hey Tom! Jo's going out with Shakey Spearey!"
Some guitar chords, some stuffy laughter, some more nerves. 
"Anyway, time's almost up"
"With the credit?"
"Ya"
"Joce.."
"Ya?"
"Joce, that last day I didn't.."
"No, I know"
"You don't"
"Who cares Bobby? I love you always and always my freckley boy"
"She's pregnant" Stuck. Dumbfounded. Heart? Where's my heart? Oh, it's in my throat. Fuck, how do I get it out? I need to breathe now. Jesus.
"Oh my, congratulations!"
"Yeah, we just found out too. I think I'm going to keep working at the station. Lisa's moving out of her parents' soon. It's real now"
"I'll send mama with some jam. Daddy's gonna be thrilled and have all them toys lined up for you guys. He's trying to move on up but still with the factory"
Hesitation. Breath, swallowed. Not allowed. 
"Joce, when you left I was ready"
"Oh jeez louise freckley boy, who cares about that now?"
Death.

I entertain the thought of Bobby leaving me hanging. So, no, I don't call him.
I let the days pile on. I wait like a snake in a cave.
Afraid, calm and waiting. Never waiting.
Waiting for the winter. Waiting.