I decided it was in the interests of my body and mind -- both irreconcilable passengers of my being at times -- that I should give something up.
Rather, some things up. The fact that I am beyond broke is helping! Ah! Finally! To rest on factors outside my control and still reap the delicious benefits of ascetic self-denial.
I'm an asshole. Whatever.
I wrote a huge thing about why I'm giving up cigarettes, sugar and feelings.
Well fuck it.
Cigarettes and sugar suck. The reasons are obvious and non-exhaustive.
With regard to feelings, well quite frankly I've got too many right now. I know I can't ever be of a sociopathic persuasion but I am genuinely trying to challenge myself here.
I could be so much smarter if I just stopped being as emotional as I am.
That' just a fact.
I went to a job interview yesterday. Huge law-firm. There I was. In a meeting room. Sitting across two senior associates. Both in commercial litigation. Both decent, hard-working guys. Interview was flawless. I am harsh on myself generally but that was a good interview. I even got into explaining how ABS is influencing the legal market. I was a step away from drawing deficit graphs, likening law firms with conventional business models.
Spoke about my humbling experience in consulting. The claims, the sleepless nights, the small firms I learned so much from. Yadda yaddaaaaaaaa yadda.
Then the tougher guy, glancing at my CV as if it was a great piece of work, stopped for a second and decided to ask about what I did in Korea for 7 months.
Fuck. I left that in the CV didn't I?
Jesus.
Well, what the FUCK did I do in Korea?
Teach English.
I didn't think he was going to ask me this.
I was silent. He was staring. Then the other guy started staring.
Still silence.
Because I was unprepared and because Korea is such a touchy subject and because Korea has come to mean so much to me I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it.
But, it isn't that I couldn't wrap my mind around Korea. I couldn't wrap my heart around it.
Cuz everything I learned in Korea has become such an intimate part of my day to day life now.
There are a billion things Korea taught me. But none of those things are things you say to senior associates in an interview.
I told them I needed to start over. I needed a challenge.
I wanted to launch into a whole thing. I didn't. I said it was the best decision I ever made. They asked if it really was.
I said, yes it really really was.
I think I learned more about that question in that setting than I have since I left Korea.
I learned to be bold, take a stand, forget the feelings and to take pride in anything accomplished individually.
So, I think I should do the same now. Against myself, I should take a stand and put my feelings on lower footing.
There is nothing fundamentally "Anca Adriana" that I will lose if I commit to this. I'm still here. Breathing, living, thinking.
Thinking.
Rather, some things up. The fact that I am beyond broke is helping! Ah! Finally! To rest on factors outside my control and still reap the delicious benefits of ascetic self-denial.
I'm an asshole. Whatever.
I wrote a huge thing about why I'm giving up cigarettes, sugar and feelings.
Well fuck it.
Cigarettes and sugar suck. The reasons are obvious and non-exhaustive.
With regard to feelings, well quite frankly I've got too many right now. I know I can't ever be of a sociopathic persuasion but I am genuinely trying to challenge myself here.
I could be so much smarter if I just stopped being as emotional as I am.
That' just a fact.
I went to a job interview yesterday. Huge law-firm. There I was. In a meeting room. Sitting across two senior associates. Both in commercial litigation. Both decent, hard-working guys. Interview was flawless. I am harsh on myself generally but that was a good interview. I even got into explaining how ABS is influencing the legal market. I was a step away from drawing deficit graphs, likening law firms with conventional business models.
Spoke about my humbling experience in consulting. The claims, the sleepless nights, the small firms I learned so much from. Yadda yaddaaaaaaaa yadda.
Then the tougher guy, glancing at my CV as if it was a great piece of work, stopped for a second and decided to ask about what I did in Korea for 7 months.
Fuck. I left that in the CV didn't I?
Jesus.
Well, what the FUCK did I do in Korea?
Teach English.
I didn't think he was going to ask me this.
I was silent. He was staring. Then the other guy started staring.
Still silence.
Because I was unprepared and because Korea is such a touchy subject and because Korea has come to mean so much to me I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it.
But, it isn't that I couldn't wrap my mind around Korea. I couldn't wrap my heart around it.
Cuz everything I learned in Korea has become such an intimate part of my day to day life now.
There are a billion things Korea taught me. But none of those things are things you say to senior associates in an interview.
I told them I needed to start over. I needed a challenge.
I wanted to launch into a whole thing. I didn't. I said it was the best decision I ever made. They asked if it really was.
I said, yes it really really was.
I think I learned more about that question in that setting than I have since I left Korea.
I learned to be bold, take a stand, forget the feelings and to take pride in anything accomplished individually.
So, I think I should do the same now. Against myself, I should take a stand and put my feelings on lower footing.
There is nothing fundamentally "Anca Adriana" that I will lose if I commit to this. I'm still here. Breathing, living, thinking.
Thinking.
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