winter?

never the same road twice. even on the same road.

trees

we were glowing we were pieces of light and flesh we were dancing flash flash I look at you blueing away baby. me beside the glowing pink. being blue. being just like you.

"Rough out there eh?"
"Yeah, for sure. The roads aren't jammed and I don't even mind the snow you know? It's the black ice that just kills me" Ryan is red with cold and chills. His ears are burning and his eyes glisten. Flash flash. Moist sparkle. Bit of a tear, bit of a tear. Bit of a small round tear.

We're far into the woods now. A ranch. A beautiful piece of land remarkable and sewn with human. Three dogs greet us. One half wolf and the other two bullmastiffs that cuddle up to me and paw at my legs. I say hi and spin with the humming of wolfpack love. With the bond that I feel without words without syllables that fall out like eggs from a carton only to spill and unfold messy. The biggest of the two, Gun, just sits down in front of me and stares ahead. Guarding me. We just met. He loves me.

I hear horses in the background. Ryan's friends are rich. Not just rich; they're wealthy. Ryan - the poor boy who made his way. Then there's his best friends. His best friends are all golden, american boys with brown hair and kinder eyes than Ryan's. Like mama says, "Ryan - that boy with them eyes well I tell ya joce he's seen things that ain't never been meant to be seen. now he makes them pretty pictures with a bit of oddity here and there and even daddy who likes art - you know how daddy likes art - well even he say to me that joce best be careful cuz the blood he uses in movies that ain't just blood pouring out - that's his own guts he's dealing with - all bloodied and messy cuz he ain't ever done it in real life"
I don't know about all that. Mama can get creative after a few ryes. I see glints of the desire. I see glints of his desire when we make love. All tangled up with hate and status. Like he's reached the edge of the hill, staring down and I'm half the summit half the fall.
"Well you kids made it safe now so there's no point leaving tonight. Gun needs to come out now hun. There's damn coyotes in this place ganging up on my horses at night damn near scaring them to death. Joce?" Chuck is Scott's dad. Scott who grew up 3 minutes away from Ryan. Golden boy. Scotty oh scotty mcHotty. All the girls loved Scotty boy.
I hear Chuck's words from far away. Very far away. I wish I was a fly on the wall, to tap into these people's minds and just listen a little. Sit beside the sadness, stay with the pain a bit, sparkle with the joy. Ryan is so sad so so sad. He says this is the end that he can't shoot anymore that he's lost talent that I'm leaving him that I'm too sad.
I stand up a bit dizzy. I was hanging out beside Gun for longer than I meant to. Lost track of about a minute. I'm very hungry all of a sudden. There's soup and roast potatoes with cheese on them.
Ryan goes for a few lines with the rest in the den and I join. A line? Roast potatoes? A line. Two lines. Three lines. Four. Hell, let's just do 5. I end up doing 6 and spin. I laugh and Ryan laughs with me. It's silver in my veins. Solid silver. So heavy.
I breathe clean and just pause. I lay on the ground and do the bridge. Larissa comes up and I see her upside down.
"Joce is fucking high guys" Duh. Like totally totally duh. Tomorrow we're going ice-fishing. We'll cut through the forest north of here. Cut deeper north of here. We'll get to the heart of it. We'll scope the heart out, rip into it and eat.

"Eat up honey. The roast potatoes are still warm"
I know they are.