Saw Jocie off and I said fuck it man, just let it go. Sometimes you just need to let go you know.
Disintegrated into the last piece of myself last night. Just so beat down and tired. But I need to keep going because there's work to do. No, there's work to do because I keep going.
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Adam boils some water for tea in the morning. Metallic cup clatter. After 100 push-ups and 30 boxes he fries some eggs and begins the day. The fog clears outside his window and he can hear horses, trams, some hooker chatter. What a day to be alive. That he's living. Separated from England, yet English. American, American. Him and the dirty mouthed Irish boys running around. Irish-American boys. It's all so new. There is nothing of Ada here. But Ada is immaterial now. Ada is everywhere now. Ada is air. Ada is space, Ada is colour and she mixes with the runny yolk, smiles a tawny grin as he dips in the bread and disappears screaming in his teeth.
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I've been driving down the West Coast from Kelowna to Phoenix where I need to shoot on location. Some dumb B movie that's gonna pay off in the long term. Seeing a few of my buddies down there and I can't imagine the shit they're up to. Been living up in trailers since last year with nothin' going but booze and shooting fox. Why shoot fox I got no idea. Joce's face in the sand. Laid down and remembered. Jocie laying under me with her Jocelyn skin and her eyes shut and her small mouth made smaller when she does that. Okay driving. Driving Driving. Trees trees trees Gatta change the left tire in the back. Making that strange sound. MoanMoanmoannn. No, the strange sound. An exit with a strip club. Making the exit. Ok if you make the exit you'll get over her in 5 months and if you don't make the exit your next movie's gonna flop. Maybe Nina's gonna wanna fuck. No no. Yesyes yes. No. Ok no. Yes. Making the turn. I need some white, some white in me. To cure me.
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Adam descends the dark and nauseating staircase that's more narrow than anything he's seen back home. How do people live like this? Five Points looking mighty..fine.
Disintegrated into the last piece of myself last night. Just so beat down and tired. But I need to keep going because there's work to do. No, there's work to do because I keep going.
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I've been driving down the West Coast from Kelowna to Phoenix where I need to shoot on location. Some dumb B movie that's gonna pay off in the long term. Seeing a few of my buddies down there and I can't imagine the shit they're up to. Been living up in trailers since last year with nothin' going but booze and shooting fox. Why shoot fox I got no idea. Joce's face in the sand. Laid down and remembered. Jocie laying under me with her Jocelyn skin and her eyes shut and her small mouth made smaller when she does that. Okay driving. Driving Driving. Trees trees trees Gatta change the left tire in the back. Making that strange sound. MoanMoanmoannn. No, the strange sound. An exit with a strip club. Making the exit. Ok if you make the exit you'll get over her in 5 months and if you don't make the exit your next movie's gonna flop. Maybe Nina's gonna wanna fuck. No no. Yesyes yes. No. Ok no. Yes. Making the turn. I need some white, some white in me. To cure me.
------
Adam descends the dark and nauseating staircase that's more narrow than anything he's seen back home. How do people live like this? Five Points looking mighty..fine.
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